I have had years and years of conflict with my body. I haven’t listened to it’s needs, I have put it low on my list of priorities, said I’d deal with it when I had more time… But strangely, time always seemed to be lacking when it came to exercising my body, fueling it in the right way.
Also, I am a comfort eater. When something is on my mind, I tend to reach out automatically for something to eat, when my children are screaming/crying, I have a square of chocolate, then another one, then another one, etc.
Over the past few years, I have been gradually evolving. At first, I was angry with myself for not moving faster. But now, I see the light! It was good of me to take baby steps. I have still made great progress and learned a lot along the way.
I first discovered I had a large fibroid back in 2013, when I was pregnant with my second child. I was offered treatment but I researched the cause because the treatment would only act on the symptom. It seems fibroids are due to hormone imbalance. So I looked that up and indeed I recognized other symptoms in my body. So I decided to make dietary changes. Eating organic was already important for me. I started to remove gluten and dairy and tried out my first detox (no gluten, no dairy, no sugar, no coffee, no alcohol). I rapidly saw amazing changes in every day life. I didn’t lose a lot of weight but it looked like I had, cellulite disappeared, my skin was glowing, I had loads of energy… It was great. After my detox, I slipped back into my old ways. Then I would remove gluten and dairy again and feel better, the slip back into my old ways, etc. As a comfort eater, I craved cakes and biscuits and gluten, loads of gluten!
I would get upset with myself, think I was incapable of sticking to something that was good for me, that I couldn’t make the right choice in a restaurant when I went out, etc. But now I look back on the past 4 years, I can tell you this: I “slip up” less and less, I no longer crave the same food, I enjoy anything I eat, be it detox food or food that is not on my plan, I no longer beat myself up – I see this as a long term journey, not a 4-week diet.
This all stems from loving myself more and more. I am less hard on myself (thank goodness) and more inclined to make healthy choices for myself. Again, if it makes me happy to eat a burger or to have a hot chocolate when I’m out, I go for it. I just tend to not look amazing the next day 😉
However, as I love myself, why is keeping up exercise so difficult? Sure, I fly around the house cleaning up after 3 young kids, running after a toddler but I am not sticking to my fitness goals. So here it is, I am saying it here, loud and clear:
“I love myself. I love my body. I honour my body by giving it more strength and more energy through daily exercise.”
It is as important as my journaling, as my nutrition, my positive affirmations and my meditation. My intention is to do what feels good but keep to a schedule. Obviously, doing it first thing in the morning is not working for me anymore so I am going to make time during the day.
I have been on what I am calling a pre-detox for the past month and will be until Easter Day. Basically, I am mostly eating gluten and dairy free, avoiding coffee (I had 1 the other day and the crash afterwards was awful) and alcohol (also had some and craved burgers and crisps the next day) and sugar. So have not been doing it 100% but have lost 2kg and have gained energy. I knew I would not follow a detox plan religiously because I had a champagne evening last Saturday and Easter coming up (I rarely eat “normal” cakes but there is no way I am missing out on my mum’s Easter cakes). I already feel great and as of Easter Monday I will start a 4-week period where I will make no exceptions because my gut needs that time to heal, my hormones need that rest to rebalance and hopefully I will get my sleep cycle sorted again because I feel like some kind of nighttime ninja at the moment – aware of the slightest sound/movement. I will supplement with Omega 3, probiotics, fibre, etc. to make sure I am getting everything I need and more 🙂 Somewhere in there I will fit my daily exercise in and I will be back here mid-May to let you know how that went!
What I want to say to you is that wherever you are on your fitness/health journey, don’t be too hard on yourself. Look at the big picture, see your progress, be proud of the changes you are making for yourself, visualize your goals and feel good about yourself. You are amazing. What your body achieves on autopilot is sensational. Just give yourself the gift of improving it by 1%, then another, then another. If you’re comfortable going faster, go faster, if you want to take a break and reflect on your goals and your why, do it. Do not pressure yourself! Society gives you enough of that already. You are worthy right now.
I love you.